In this issue: Five new posts from Sales Source on Inc.com and another of my "signature" sales message rewrites. Remember: as a member of this newsletter, I will critique your sales message for free. I may even decide to rewrite it for you!
New Sales Source Posts
SALES MESSAGE REWRITE
Sometimes all it takes is a little tweaking to turn a good sales message into a great one. Here's an example I recently received from a reader:
I'm reading your B2B book. What do you think about the following message. My company specializes in corporate wellness solutions.
"Our customers hire us to help them combat rising health care costs and decreased productivity from poor staff health. What is unique about our approach is that we focus on teaching people better habits that will help them achieve long term health. With our easy to use software and qualified health specialists, you can lower your company‘s health care expenses by up to 50%!"
That's actually a pretty good message. Short, sweet and to the point. And there's almost no biz-blab! Good work!
However, that's not to say that we can't come up with an even tighter one. Here's my rewrite:
You: "Companies hire us to cut their employee health care costs in half while simultaneously reducing absenteeism."
Customer (implicitly or explicitly): "How do you do that?"
You: "We use a combination of software and qualified health specialists to teach employees better habits, thereby helping them achieve long term health."
There are a couple of reasons the rewrite is stronger. First, it's shorter and less repetitive. Second, it puts the quantifiable benefit up front, where it's more likely to create credibility.
When I sent this rewrite to the source of the original email, he wrote back:
Awesome! That actually sounds amazing.
Thanks for the fast reply and the critique, and thanks for a great book!
Have a good day,
Needless to say, this response made my day! That's what this newsletter is all about--helping people learn about how to sell more effectively!
